We lie. Every day. To ourselves. We do it to feel better about who we are, or to defend a deeper issue.
Often, we mortgage our long–term needs in order to fulfill our short-term desires. In the long run, this does not work and you’ll be disappointed time and time again.
Here are some of the lies we repeatedly tell ourselves:
1. If I had more time, I would…
You do have time! Take a look at how you choose to spend it. We invest our time in the things that interest us. Sometimes the idea of doing something is more exciting than actually doing it. Evaluate your time, what you do with it, and what are you telling yourself you’d do with more time.
2. If I say or do…So and So will change.
No one will change just because you say something. That’s a lie. People will change only when they want to. You might be able to plant seeds, or help someone who wants to change, change, but you won’t do it by talking or doing anything yourself.
3. I would change if I could, but I can’t. I’m just the way I am.
If you really wanted to change, you would. You would not blame your parents, the economy, your job, your co-workers, siblings, etc. Change can occur if you want it bad enough. But do you want it bad enough? That’s the question. If not, you might be getting some benefits you’re unwilling to give up.
4. I’ll do it tomorrow.
Probably not. When you say you’ll do it tomorrow, you’re making yourself look like your intentions are good, like you’re simply postponing “blah blah”. Chances are you’re not going to do it at all. Own it. If you really want to do it, don’t wait until tomorrow!
5. What’s the point?
By saying, “What’s the point?” you’re really trying to avoid failure. You believe something is not going to work, so why even try? But you don’t know if there’s a point to anything unless you try. So, try. You’ll know soon enough what the point is, whether to press on or try something different. Don’t give up before you even begin!
6. If I could just have “blah blah”, I would be so happy!
Probably for about 5 minutes. Then you’ll start to want something else. No single thing will be responsible for your happiness. That’s inner work stuff. Think about all the things you’ve wanted that you thought would make you happy. Are you still happy? Or, have you been jonesing for something else? Tell the truth, now!
7. I’m not good enough!
This is probably one of the biggest lies of all. If you cling to this lie, it will undermine everything you think and do and create misery throughout your whole life. You will act as though you’re not good enough. You’ll subconsciously push people away, and half-ass everything you do, confirming what you already “know” about yourself, which is a lie.
Becoming aware of these lies will help get you on the right path. And perhaps every time you catch yourself, you can redirect your line of thinking. Or at best you can embrace the truth, or actually do the things you say you’re going to do.
My name is Rossana Snee, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.
I upload a video every Friday Morning at 7:00 a.m. PST.
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Video Editor: Joshua Snee
Intro Music: John Lynch
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